Agony of one-sided love

- February 19, 2025

By Nasrin Kousar Jahan

Waqt aise na dijye jo bheekh lage, apna ikhtiyaar dijye, baqi jo theek lage so dijye

The phrase "Waqt aise na dijye jo bheekh lage, apna ikhtiyaar dijye, baqi jo theek lage so dijye" carries profound emotional intensity, particularly in the context of love and relationships. It speaks to the delicate balance of time, power, and personal boundaries between two people in love.

It conveys three primary ideas:

Time should not be given as if it were charity (bheekh), but as an act of genuine love.
Love is built on deep trust and surrender, where one willingly gives their authority (ikhtiyaar) to the other.
Love should be mutual and balanced, where one gives what feels right rather than being forced or obligated.

These elements stir intense emotions in both men and women, highlighting the struggles of attention, control, and self-respect in relationships.

1. The Meaning Behind Each Line

"Waqt aise na dijye jo bheekh lage" (Don’t give time as if it’s charity)

Time is one of the most precious gifts in a relationship.
When someone feels they must beg for attention, it causes pain, humiliation, and insecurity.
In an unbalanced relationship, one partner may give time reluctantly, making the other feel unwanted.
This line expresses the agony of one-sided love, where attention is given out of obligation rather than desire.

"Apna ikhtiyaar dijye" (Give your authority/power)

Love isn’t just about spending time; it’s about emotional surrender.
"Ikhtiyaar" means control, autonomy, and power over one's decisions.
True love involves trusting the other person completely and being vulnerable.
It reflects the idea that in deep love, one does not hold back but instead lets their partner influence their emotions and choices.
However, if this surrender is one-sided, it can lead to power imbalances and emotional suffering.

"Baqi jo theek lage so dijye" (Give what feels right)

Love should not be forced, transactional, or excessive.
Every person has emotional limits, and they must give within those limits.
This line suggests that mutual love should be natural, not dictated by sacrifice or guilt.
It reflects self-respect in love—one should give but also maintain dignity and emotional balance.

2. The Emotional Impact on a Man and Woman’s Relationship

A. The Struggle for Attention and Time

In many relationships, one person may feel like they are always chasing the other’s attention.
When time is given out of obligation, it feels hollow and meaningless.
The person on the receiving end feels lonely and unappreciated, as if they must beg for love.
This often leads to frustration, resentment, and emotional detachment.

B. Surrendering Control in Love

Love is about trust and letting someone in completely.
When a person gives their ikhtiyaar (control) to their partner, they open their heart fully.
This can be beautiful and fulfilling if reciprocated.
However, if only one person surrenders, it can turn into dependency and emotional imbalance.
The giver might feel used, while the receiver may feel overburdened or pressured.

C. The Balance Between Giving and Self-Respect

Love should be about giving what feels right, not what is expected or demanded.
Over-giving can lead to emotional exhaustion.
If one person keeps giving while the other takes without reciprocating, the relationship becomes toxic.
Self-respect is crucial in love—one should give, but not at the cost of their dignity.

3. Real-Life Reflections: How Men and Women Feel This Phrase in Relationships

A Woman’s Perspective

Many women feel they are constantly seeking attention from their partners.
If their partner gives time reluctantly, it makes them feel unwanted and insecure.
A woman who surrenders herself completely in love wants mutual trust, not control or neglect.
If she keeps giving and doesn’t receive the same in return, she may feel lost and emotionally drained.

A Man’s Perspective

A man may feel that his emotional efforts are not appreciated if his partner expects time but doesn’t reciprocate in other ways.
If he gives up his control completely, he might feel dominated or manipulated.
He seeks a balanced relationship where he can give freely but also be valued.

4. How This Phrase Guides Healthy Love

Give time because you want to, not because you are forced.
Trust is important, but not at the cost of losing yourself.
Love should be mutual—both partners should give and receive equally.
Respect yourself—don’t sacrifice everything just to keep someone in your life.

This phrase is a powerful reminder that love should be genuine, mutual, and balanced—not an act of charity, not a loss of identity, but a shared journey.

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